Most people who have gone through a divorce will tell you that the experience was emotionally wrenching, painful and prohibitively costly. Those people are also likely to tell you that the cost of their divorce increased dramatically due to unreasonableness, posturing regarding the children, numerous motions requiring court hearings, depositions and an unwillingness to cooperate without the threat of court. Conflict is heightened when positioning and posturing are used to obtain agreement from the smallest to the greatest of issues. The conflict ultimately affects the parties' ability to later co parent their children.

Divorce law is applied to a family in crisis. Unfortunately, the legal process seeks to resolve that crisis in an adversarial system that often intensifies the conflict. Divorce lawyers, who perceive their role as winning for their client, usually defined as gaining the most time with the children and the most money, advocate only the positions of their own clients. The lawyers often engage in contentious, last minute negotiations. When such negotiations fail, the parties may put their disputes before a judge, a stranger to themselves and their children, for decisions. Any veteran family lawyer or mental health professional can tell you that trials in divorce solve little, often perpetuate problems and frequently have the parties returning to court after the divorce is final.

What can be done to ease the burden of such a divorce? A new process is available for divorcing couples in Florida. The process is called "collaborative family law." In collaborative family law, the couple agrees that they will work together to reach a settlement of where the children will reside, both parents timesharing with their children and financial issues affecting both parties in a way that meets the needs of all family members, including the children. The parties and the lawyers each agree, in writing, that they will not go to court to settle their issues. In the event the parties do not succeed in settling their differences without going to court, the lawyers, by agreement, must both withdraw. This creates an incentive for everyone to reach agreements. The parties and the lawyers each agree to work together as a team to reach a fair settlement. The collaborative lawyers act as legal advisors and problem solvers rather than as adversaries.

Generally, in a collaborative case, the parties meet with their lawyers in a series of four way settlement conferences. Each party has the advice of a divorce lawyer who is specially trained in the practice of collaborative law as well as experienced in the practice of family law. The parties may agree to use the services of other professionals, including mental health professionals specializing in child related or divorce issues and financial advisors. Such professionals are jointly chosen to provide input rather than to take sides.